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One of the few good things, imo, brought by the new 52 in terms of character ***portrayal and usage*
Day 2 - Your least favourite superhero: Aquaman
Slightly more challenging to pick one superhero, out of all of the thousands, as my least favorite, but I have to go with Aquaman. Because boring powers and I always imagined he must stink like a fish.
But I do have to admit I’ve never read an Aquaman comic or read up on him, so I’d probably like him more if I did so.
Boring? This fine-looking sexy motherfucker right here?
See, people who think Aquaman has boring powers know nothing about Aquaman. They know him from that old as balls Justice Friends show, and that’s unfortunate, since everything on there was silly, especially poor Arthur. I mean….
In reality, Aquaman is super-strong (lift cars and tanks strong), nearly bullet-proof, he breathes underwater (obviously), can telepathically communicate with marine animals (not a lame power—he can make every shark in a hundred mile radius fucking eat your ass and they’ll do it because he’s the fucking King of the fucking Oceans). Look how scary that shit is! LOOK AT THAT!
He can control the ocean, as in you think the 2004 tsunami was bad? Wait until he’s pissed at you and see what happens. Did I mention that he’s the King of the goddamned ocean? Not just one. All of them. Earth is mostly water. He’s basically king of most of the earth, so bow the fuck down and kiss his feet. You are not worthy.
Also, he’s married to Mera, who is not only gorgeous, but one of the most badass, takes-no-shit-from-no-one-makes-Wonder-Woman-on-her-worst-day-look-like-a-Girl-Scout women in DC History. She’s cooler than you, and she’s not shy about smacking you around. She was once a Red Lantern for God’s sake. She will fuck you up.
Seriously, if Aquaman smells like fish, it’s only cuz he’s sleeping with the hottest mermaid since Ariel. Look at her. Look at them both. POWER COUPLE.
YOUR OTP COULD NEVER.
In short, I will never understand people who don’t like Aquaman. The whole thing is—dare I say it—
Thank you, that is all.
BEST AQUAMAN REBUTTAL EVER